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Tuesday, October 21, 2003


Bob the ladder elf, a fable of sorts.

Once upon a time, there was Bob. Bob was an elf, not just any kind of elf, Bob was a ladder elf. Whenever someone needed a ladder, Bob was there to surprise you with one. You never saw him, but he was there. Bob sat in his little big warehouse shop making ladders all day long, day in, day out. All sorts of ladders, short ones, tall ones, retractable ones, you name it Bob was your elf. Bob lived a happy existence for many, many thousands of years making his ladders, until the age of your great grand parents. It was about this time when hardware stores started selling ladders, short ones, tall ones, retractable ones, all sorts of ladders. No one needed Bob any more; he was an elf without a mission.

This made Bob the ladder elf an angry elf, a bitter elf. Bob swore to all that's tall and out of reach that any time someone bought or borrowed a ladder that he didn't make, he would steal fifty cents from the pocket of the person responsible. Sort of the anti-tooth fairy. This was relatively easy considering Bob was only two feet tall. Bob also started to place his ladders in strange places so people would be forced to walk underneath them, causing bad luck. This brought Bob many moments of joy. Whenever someone saw him placing a ladder in a strange, uncomfortable place, like that of a Volkswagen, Bob would threaten them with kicking their ass, and he could do it to, he had a hell of a flying round-house kick.

So the moral of this fable is: whenever you need a ladder, just say something out loud first, maybe, just maybe Bob the ladder elf will bring you a nice new hand built wooden ladder. If you buy one, he will steal your fifty cents and maybe kick your ass.