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Friday, October 22, 2004
Flying Bat Monkeys
Dateline, 2004. The place, Chicago, the windy city, the city of broad shoulders, the city so nice, they named it, once. This news story starts where every story stars for this intrepid reporter, on the street after a four day bender of beef jerky and swizzle sticks. I was walking down the street when suddenly a huge gust of wind, that could only be described as a "swoosh" knocked me off my feet. Of course I looked up to see what it was. Was it a bird? No. A plane? Not really. A flying nun? Maybe. No it was a flying man! Just then, a little girl standing next to me said: "it's Fearless Leader, fearless leader of the Flying Bat Monkeys!"
What the? Am I dreaming? Who the hell was this little girl talking about? Was she insane? Was she dropped on her head? And why was she still standing and I was on the ground kissing the dirt? Who is "Fearless Leader" and what is a flying bat monkey?
I remembered the rumors I've been hearing at the local pubs about a group of flying justice type friends battling the evils of our great city. Stories that never made the evening news, most likely due to some sort of governmental conspiracy. Stories of a group in mortal combat with a giant sock monkey that was reeking havoc on the north side, apparently sent by a mysterious man only known as "the Texan".
I resolved to get to the bottom of this, find out who these people where, and why I had never heard of them before. I went straight to the top, city hall, and asked our esteemed mayor what he knew about these flying bat monkeys. After a short and rather uncomfortable silence, his honor the mayor just screamed "security" and this reporter was thrown out of city hall. Now I was sure I was on to something, the city knows something it wants kept secret.
This intrepid reporter will not rest until he finds out more on this bizarre story, unless he gets tired and needs a nap.